CHRISTOBASH!
where I pwn stupid people with their own scriptures

A while ago I posted on a Mary Mary music video called "Heaven", remarking that it disturbed me. A person of faith harkened back, calling me a bitch. I proceeded to bash the hell out of the song "Heaven," just for kicks and giggles. I even cited sources.

See Me Bash

Now I've found this awesomely obnoxious website called ChristianAnswers.net, and I plan on sporking the hell out of it. For now, here's my critique of their critique of EXPELLED: No Intelligence Allowed, which I haven't actually seen but have listened to a reliable science podcast about. Anyway, this is more bashing their beliefs than bashing the movie. I'm not going to bother to cite sources, though. This is just for fun.

Note: this website is less snarky than I am likely to be, and definitely more factual. Go there nothingspeed.

First of all, that picture of Ben Stein on the cover of the movie is so stupid. I cannot take that guy seriously when he's dressed like Jack Black in School of Rock.

The movie's moral rating is 'better than average,' which makes me wonder what 'average' is. In Passion of the Christ, does all the violence take it down a moral notch? Or are the only things that can do that sex, drugs, and DNA?

Touché! “Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed” has made Ben Stein the new hero of believers in God everywhere, and has landed a smart right cross to the protruding jaw of evolution’s elite.

First of all, there are a lot of Christians who know that evolution is truth. Like my mom. I'm serious. Ben Stein is only the hero of fundies. That having been said, from what I've heard, 'evolution's elite' aren't smarting at all from this. They don't even feel threatened, except maybe by mobs of angry fundies. In the scientific world, evolution is accepted as true. And yes, in the scientific world, a 'theory' is something with a hell of a lot of evidence, unlike the public definition of the word.

Points for the 'protruding jaw' thing, though.

Humorous film clips punctuate the movie, making what many might think a dry academic topic for theater-going into a smart romp and most enjoyable experience.

That's just what it is-- a romp. In bed of cactuses. With an asthmatic puppy. I don't even know what I'm talking about.

Audiences are applauding as credits roll, and people are leaving theaters empowered as they perceive a mighty chink has now been made in the armor surrounding our culture’s impenetrable, atheistic, Darwinian monopoly.

Only not. As I said, 'Darwinists' aren't feeling the pain from this at all. They were in no way pwnt, because the arguments made in Expelled don't hold their own weight. Has anyone noticed that evolutionists are always on the defensive in an argument? It's because the 7 Day Creationists do all the attacking. Everyone else knows that the truth isn't worth debating, because it's so obvious.

There is little doubt that evolutionary belief and atheism go had in hand, as one after another of its intellectual proponents admit this to Stein.

I lost my faith in God while reading a book by a nun called A History of God. I started believing in evolution when I watched the PBS evolution videos, which are beautifully-put-together, by the way. The two weren't corrolated at all.

One Cornell University professor in the movie positively conceded that the end result of accepting evolution was, for him, the realization that there is no free will and no after-life.

What?! If anything, one has more free will without a God, because they don't have a 'plan' already created for them. And who says that there can't be an afterlife just because of evolution? There are scientists (like five, probably) trying to raise the money for scientific research on after-deathness, but no one will give them the money! If anything, can't you believe in God and evolution? It's not that difficult!

Is the United States a freedom loving, free-thinking, intellectually inquisitive nation of cordial academic pursuit, or is it a politically correct, closed-minded arena of thought controlling, in-crowd Neanderthals?

Wow... If anyone's making America close-minded, it's the Christians. Just sayin'. You guys got the govunmunt in ur pockut.

The latter seems to be the conclusion of internationals, and the audience will draw the same conclusion as professors and educators present their tales of discrimination, blacklisting, and defamation at the hands of the American evolutionary juggernaut and its related tentacles.

I doubt it goes as far as being defamed, and if they are defamed for spitting in the face of overwhelming evidence in favor of mythos, then they deserve to be defamed and discriminated against. There's no law against discriminating on the base of stupid.

Yeah, the thing is, this is just making me angry. Just go have a look at Expelled Exposed They tear it to shreds without much effort, and with less bitterness than I would be capable of.

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I'm going to spork something totally unrelated to evolution. How about... Why does God allow people to suffer? Good question, Christian Answers. I was always wondering that, myself.

The "problem of pain," as the well-known Christian scholar, C.S. Lewis, once called it, is atheism's most potent weapon against the Christian faith.

Way to make yourself the victim. As an atheist/agnostic/panetheist-thing (it depends day-to-day), I don't personally try to use a 'potent weapon' (phallus?) against the Christian faith. If it attacks me, I attack it. Like a human attacking a rabid homicidal dolphin. Anyway, C.S. Lewis was a perv and a weirdo.

All true science and history, if rightly understood, support the fact of God. This evidence is so strong that, as the Bible says: "The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God"

I like how their 'so strong evidence' is the Bible. Isn't that kind of going in circles?

Most atheists, therefore, without any objective evidence on which to base their faith in "no God", must resort finally to philosophical objections. And this problem of suffering is the greatest of these.

I find it amusing that this article takes eternity (har har) to actually address the question. Just rails on and on about 'atheists this' and 'atheists that.' There's no objective evidence (the Bible is not objective) for or against the existence of God, Christian Answers.

This is a real difficulty, but atheism is certainly not the answer, and neither is agnosticism.

What about Hinduism, bitch? Or Buddhism? Or Confucianism? Or Judaism? Or Islam (though I dislike Islam as much as Christianity)? Or Pastafarianism? Is Pastafarianism the answer? Yes, I think it is. The Flying Spaghetti monster doesn't have the time to touch every suffering person in the world with His noodly appendage.

While there is much evil in the world, there is even more that is good.

I think that most things are neutral, actually. Unless you want to play the black-and-white game. I give you a noun, and you tell me whether it's good or evil. Nostradamus! /Evil!/ Bunnies! /Evil!/ War! /Good!/ Colored music! /Evil!/

This is proved by the mere fact that people normally try to hang on to life as long as they can.

Actually, that there is a good argument for evolution, not that evolution needs to be argued to stay up on its own. We stay alive so that we can reproduce and pass on our genes, so that our species can eventually mutate and evolve into higher creatures.

Furthermore, everyone instinctively recognizes that "good" is a higher order of truth than "bad".

Again, evolutionary. Having morals made our chimp-like ancestors not die as often, because it helped them not kill each other as often. Unlike humans, they didn't need an ancient book to tell them not to rape and murder. Although, actually, they did rape and murder. A lot. But at least they knew the value of sharing!

We need also to recognize that our very minds were created by God. We can only use these minds to the extent that He allows, and it is, therefore, utterly presumptuous for us to use them to question Him and His motives.

In My Human Opinion, if I were God, I think I'd want to be questioned. It would make me get off my godly ass and fix things when I'd fucked them up.

There is really no such thing as the "innocent" suffering.

Except for abortion, right? Or do even fetuses sin with their Freud-like attraction to their parents? Which I think is a lot of bullshit by the way. Freud pisses me off.

The world is now under God's Curse (Genesis 3:17) because of man's rebellion against God's Word.

All because we ate the fruit called Evolution, God was like, "Fuck this! I'm going to Burger King where I can have it my way! For once! You ungrateful sons of bitches!"

The Lord Jesus Christ, who was the only truly "innocent" and "righteous" man in all history, nevertheless has suffered more than anyone else who ever lived.

Did he undergo female 'circumcision?' No. Go through childbirth? No. Did he have to deal with menstrual cramps? No. Was he ever raped? Unlikely. Did he ever cry because OMGtheboyhe'stotallyinlovewithdoesn'tevenknowheexists? Maybe, if that boy was an atheist and Jesus was gay. Regardless, He should've been a woman. Then He'd really know what suffering is.